Monday, December 16, 2013
Family Relations class comes to a close.
Many things are happening in our relationships that we don't acknowledge or talk about with each other. Sometimes it is hard to talk about the important things with our family members. It can make all the difference for the happiness of ourselves and those we love.
Parenting Teens
My professor posed the question, what do you think about when you think of parenting teens?
The girl next to me makes a discouraged grunt.
I wondered why people approach it with such dread. It could be a very rewarding, beautiful experience for both the teen and the parent. I know I am not a parent yet, but a lot of relationships between teens and parents are actually good.
I raised my hand and suggested that during childhood, parents take care of children's needs and then once going through teenage years, they are more developed and can learn and grow together on a more mutual level.
After all, no matter the age, we are all equals, with something special and unique to offer.
The girl next to me makes a discouraged grunt.
I wondered why people approach it with such dread. It could be a very rewarding, beautiful experience for both the teen and the parent. I know I am not a parent yet, but a lot of relationships between teens and parents are actually good.
I raised my hand and suggested that during childhood, parents take care of children's needs and then once going through teenage years, they are more developed and can learn and grow together on a more mutual level.
After all, no matter the age, we are all equals, with something special and unique to offer.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Divorce and Distance
This week in class, we talked about divorce. It is interesting to think about how people often separate physically and create a significant amount of distance between themselves during and after divorce.
We discussed why people separate physically when in difficult relationships. Maybe it is a way people try to lessen the pain. The truth is, however, no matter how far physically you may get, the conflict follows you wherever you go. It is inside you and needs to be healed from the inside.
My professor told us that the average distance for fathers to move from their families after divorce is 400 miles. He then asked us why. Because of the monetary costs of divorce, fathers often have to come up with more money and one of the big reasons for moving is to get jobs.
We discussed why people separate physically when in difficult relationships. Maybe it is a way people try to lessen the pain. The truth is, however, no matter how far physically you may get, the conflict follows you wherever you go. It is inside you and needs to be healed from the inside.
My professor told us that the average distance for fathers to move from their families after divorce is 400 miles. He then asked us why. Because of the monetary costs of divorce, fathers often have to come up with more money and one of the big reasons for moving is to get jobs.
Monday, December 2, 2013
Maybe being a mom isn't so bad.
This week we are learning and discussing the what's, why's and how's of parenting. I figure becoming a parent is a good thing.
I once worked at a T.G.I. Friday's as a hostess. When I worked in the morning, I would turn on the OPEN sign in the window and stand behind my little booth, staring at the empty tables. I listened to the music playing quietly, folding bundles of silverware and waiting for people to come in and eat. I remember that gradually, as people started to fill the empty tables, the restaurant was filled with warmth.
I figured that generally, people are warm. Maybe it's not so much different in a family. More people, more warmth, more love.
It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child. I think of how much I am learning right now, as a 21-year old reaching out for my independence. I am working towards goals, endeavors, using my gifts, and I realize that my learning comes from so many different resources. I am a child being raised by them all!
I believe that our creator organized human society into families in order to help us develop our ability and capacity to love. In an ideal world, we would love everyone, but we are designed to just start with our families.
I honestly don't blame people who don't want to create families, because we have been born into a society that over time, has shifted its mindset and become distracted from the essence of what families are and what they can be.
I just don't think most people can see past the surface of raising children. When you think of having children and raising a family, what do you think of? Changing diapers, calming a crying baby? The truth is, they are only that small for a short time. You are actually just helping to create a person, a friend. Just like your best friend here and now. You are bringing a soul into your presence to grow in love and to teach and to learn from and experience the things of this world with.
I once worked at a T.G.I. Friday's as a hostess. When I worked in the morning, I would turn on the OPEN sign in the window and stand behind my little booth, staring at the empty tables. I listened to the music playing quietly, folding bundles of silverware and waiting for people to come in and eat. I remember that gradually, as people started to fill the empty tables, the restaurant was filled with warmth.
I figured that generally, people are warm. Maybe it's not so much different in a family. More people, more warmth, more love.
It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child. I think of how much I am learning right now, as a 21-year old reaching out for my independence. I am working towards goals, endeavors, using my gifts, and I realize that my learning comes from so many different resources. I am a child being raised by them all!
I believe that our creator organized human society into families in order to help us develop our ability and capacity to love. In an ideal world, we would love everyone, but we are designed to just start with our families.
I honestly don't blame people who don't want to create families, because we have been born into a society that over time, has shifted its mindset and become distracted from the essence of what families are and what they can be.
I just don't think most people can see past the surface of raising children. When you think of having children and raising a family, what do you think of? Changing diapers, calming a crying baby? The truth is, they are only that small for a short time. You are actually just helping to create a person, a friend. Just like your best friend here and now. You are bringing a soul into your presence to grow in love and to teach and to learn from and experience the things of this world with.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
At home, at work, at play.
We read an article or two about women in the home and at work.
I just say, everyone do what leads your soul to goodness!
There are no absolutes!! You just need to be true to yourself, figure out what you want and find out what you need in this life experience.
I wish people would stop asking, Are you in school? Are you working? ... I would rather them ask me what my goals are and what I am doing to achieve them.
There are so many opinions floating around, and I am learning that no matter what topic is out there in the universe, someone has an opinion about it. And people will never stop telling you what they think, what is right, what is wrong. Find out for yourself. Create some space for yourself to understand and resonate with certain truths and how to apply them.
Seek goodness and you will find.
I just say, everyone do what leads your soul to goodness!
There are no absolutes!! You just need to be true to yourself, figure out what you want and find out what you need in this life experience.
I wish people would stop asking, Are you in school? Are you working? ... I would rather them ask me what my goals are and what I am doing to achieve them.
There are so many opinions floating around, and I am learning that no matter what topic is out there in the universe, someone has an opinion about it. And people will never stop telling you what they think, what is right, what is wrong. Find out for yourself. Create some space for yourself to understand and resonate with certain truths and how to apply them.
Seek goodness and you will find.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Talk Openly and Honestly
Honest, open communication is necessary for a healthy relationship.
Brother Williams told us a story about him and his wife. Over a month period or so, they had three experiences where she rolled her eyes after he said something. This really hurt him. He communicated this to her and she told him that when she rolls her eyes like that, she is trying not to cry. It didn't have anything to do with offending her husband. He assumed what was meant by the rolling of her eyes.
We must not make assumptions.
There are some real dangers in assuming the intentions of another based on certain behaviors. The best way to clear up misunderstanding is to ask questions and seek answers.
Brother Williams told us a story about him and his wife. Over a month period or so, they had three experiences where she rolled her eyes after he said something. This really hurt him. He communicated this to her and she told him that when she rolls her eyes like that, she is trying not to cry. It didn't have anything to do with offending her husband. He assumed what was meant by the rolling of her eyes.
We must not make assumptions.
There are some real dangers in assuming the intentions of another based on certain behaviors. The best way to clear up misunderstanding is to ask questions and seek answers.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Identify
In class on Wednesday, Brother Williams made a great point.
People often make mistakes when trying to understand, "Who I am".
He said that he never says, "She is gay," or "He is gay." You may hear him say however, "She identifies herself as gay."
When I am feeling angry, I should say, "I am feeling angry," not, "I am angry." Because, I am not my feelings, nor am I my thoughts. My true self is Light. My true self is not my mistakes, nor am I my temptations.
People often make mistakes when trying to understand, "Who I am".
He said that he never says, "She is gay," or "He is gay." You may hear him say however, "She identifies herself as gay."
When I am feeling angry, I should say, "I am feeling angry," not, "I am angry." Because, I am not my feelings, nor am I my thoughts. My true self is Light. My true self is not my mistakes, nor am I my temptations.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
A Change in Plans
When I chose the field of marriage and family studies, I planned to be a marriage and family therapist. This week in class, I considered becoming a premarital counselor, to focus on prevention instead of recovery.
Getting married, for many, can be a change of plans.
Things to consider:
Certain things should definitely be talked about and considered before making the decision to marry, including various expectations. Consider present habits and lifestyles, problems, goals, desires, children, money, sexuality, faith.
One of the most important things to remember throughout life and marriage is that priority #1 always needs to be God. God is the only one that we can always rely on and will never fail us. Think about when challenges arise in your relationship. If you have faith in God, you will turn to him for answers, and you will find them. If your spouse doesn't have faith in God, he or she will seek worldly remedies. This could cause serious conflict.
It is also important to realize that some problems, including pornography addiction, get worse in marriage. Many of the problems married couples experience were present even before they got married. Difficulties in relationships and individuals before marriage seem to remain after the wedding, in many circumstances.
It is also important to realize that some problems, including pornography addiction, get worse in marriage. Many of the problems married couples experience were present even before they got married. Difficulties in relationships and individuals before marriage seem to remain after the wedding, in many circumstances.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Relationships Matter
1. Relationships prior to marriage are very telling of how relationships will be after the wedding.
Through my professor's counseling experience, he says 99% of the problems couples come in with were present before they got married.
So, people: be aware! Open your eyes and use wisdom to lead your life and your relationships. You don't want to make impulsive and passionate choices if they'll lead to mostly crappy times!
People don't want to marry people with problems. Simple truth. I mean, I am talking about significant problems. Basically, you need to set your own life in order before you try to live it with double the emotion, double the goals & dreams, double the heartache.
2. A father presides.
In the LDS Church, they use the word preside to describe the presence of a spiritual leader in any given church meeting or gathering.
Presiding doesn't mean they are in charge or authoritative or hold power above your own. It doesn't mean they make all the decisions. It means making things happen. They make sure the family meets together and sets up a home to love in. But the working together part is on all of the individuals!
***
I guess I just wanna say that I've had my own relationship and family issues, but I know that family matters. Relationships matter. That's who you are! How would you be here if you weren't surrounded by people? You are here because you have been involved in relationships. Let's make them good.
One last thing. I just can't get over how happy little kids can make me! Have you ever loved a little child? A niece or nephew? They just make me smile. I don't get it, but it's true.
Through my professor's counseling experience, he says 99% of the problems couples come in with were present before they got married.
So, people: be aware! Open your eyes and use wisdom to lead your life and your relationships. You don't want to make impulsive and passionate choices if they'll lead to mostly crappy times!
People don't want to marry people with problems. Simple truth. I mean, I am talking about significant problems. Basically, you need to set your own life in order before you try to live it with double the emotion, double the goals & dreams, double the heartache.
2. A father presides.
In the LDS Church, they use the word preside to describe the presence of a spiritual leader in any given church meeting or gathering.
Presiding doesn't mean they are in charge or authoritative or hold power above your own. It doesn't mean they make all the decisions. It means making things happen. They make sure the family meets together and sets up a home to love in. But the working together part is on all of the individuals!
***
I guess I just wanna say that I've had my own relationship and family issues, but I know that family matters. Relationships matter. That's who you are! How would you be here if you weren't surrounded by people? You are here because you have been involved in relationships. Let's make them good.
One last thing. I just can't get over how happy little kids can make me! Have you ever loved a little child? A niece or nephew? They just make me smile. I don't get it, but it's true.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Meeting Our Needs
I enjoyed one of our class discussions this week. Brother Williams shared a quote by John Groberg:
"You can never get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need can't satisfy you."
If we get our needs met, we will not turn to unhealthy things in our search for happiness.
"You can never get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need can't satisfy you."
If we get our needs met, we will not turn to unhealthy things in our search for happiness.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
The Costs of Getting Ahead
This week in class, we had an assignment to read about families who immigrated to the United States from Mexico. The study considered the costs of trying to make a better life for themselves. Moving to a new country and making a new life meant consequences on the family. Many children mourned because both of their parents worked a lot and they were lonely. One husband compared coming home from work while living in Mexico and coming home from work in the United States. He said in Mexico he came home to a warm house but in the U.S. he came home to a cold house because before, his wife was there and had prepared food for the family to eat together and his children were there. Now, his wife was at work and the children left the house to find other things to do.
This study made me consider the costs of getting ahead for my family. Both of my parents work full-time. This prevents us from spending time together. I wish my mom could come visit me at school, but it's hard because of her job. When I am living at home six months out of the year, I wish she could come to the beach with us, but she is busy. I am used to my dad not being around a lot, but my mom is my best friend.
Because of this homework assignment, I asked my mom if she really had to work. Is having more money worth not spending more time as a family? Is there a way we could cut expenses so that only one parent works? Could we move to a less expensive state?
I realize that it is important to consider our priorities and make sure all of the members in our family are happy and feel loved and cared for, particularly through spending quality time together.
In the words of a wise man, "Love is really spelled T-I-M-E." - David A. Bednar
This study made me consider the costs of getting ahead for my family. Both of my parents work full-time. This prevents us from spending time together. I wish my mom could come visit me at school, but it's hard because of her job. When I am living at home six months out of the year, I wish she could come to the beach with us, but she is busy. I am used to my dad not being around a lot, but my mom is my best friend.
Because of this homework assignment, I asked my mom if she really had to work. Is having more money worth not spending more time as a family? Is there a way we could cut expenses so that only one parent works? Could we move to a less expensive state?
I realize that it is important to consider our priorities and make sure all of the members in our family are happy and feel loved and cared for, particularly through spending quality time together.
In the words of a wise man, "Love is really spelled T-I-M-E." - David A. Bednar
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Classmates' Blogs
• Ally McClain
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• Amber Kranc
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• Annabel Detering
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• Bailey Baird
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• Caitlin Schofield
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• Candice Merrill
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• Cristel Carlini
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• Elisse Cook
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• Emily Hayes
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• Erica Arguello
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• Hailey Patera
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• Haley Lucas
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• Heather
Christensen
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• Janaya
L. Johnson
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• Jenney Premont
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• Julie Moss
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• Kayleena Johnston
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• Kaylonnie White
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• Kelsey Lawrence
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• Kelsey Murphy
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• Kody Daffer
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• Krystal Palmer
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• Laura Hudgins
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• Madeline Vance
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• McKayla Nicole
Hess
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• Michael Watts
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• Olivia Welch
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• Patrick Williams
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• Rachel Blaylock
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• Rachel Escobar
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• Sammi Scott
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• Tamara Handa
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• Tina Trepanier
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• Tod Flory
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Clarissa Beamer
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Ailli Brown
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Brandi Cash
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Kylee Goodworth
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Mallary Goude
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Emily Hayes
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Allison Hughes
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Hannah Joyce
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Jonathon Mann
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Allison McClellan
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Michaela Ostler
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Linda Plate
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Lindy Provost
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Whitney Reed
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Miriam Rios-Reyes
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Sammi Scott
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Titan Sweeten
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Kim Tafua
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Olivia Welch
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Hayley Woodbury
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Friday, September 20, 2013
Introduction
My name is Ally McClain, and I am a college student studying Marriage and Family Life. I have created this blog in order to share some thoughts and feelings about the things I learn.
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