Family Relations class comes to a close.

Many things are happening in our relationships that we don't acknowledge or talk about with each other. Sometimes it is hard to talk about the important things with our family members. It can make all the difference for the happiness of ourselves and those we love.

Parenting Teens

My professor posed the question, what do you think about when you think of parenting teens?

The girl next to me makes a discouraged grunt.

I wondered why people approach it with such dread. It could be a very rewarding, beautiful experience for both the teen and the parent. I know I am not a parent yet, but a lot of relationships between teens and parents are actually good.

I raised my hand and suggested that during childhood, parents take care of children's needs and then once going through teenage years, they are more developed and can learn and grow together on a more mutual level.

After all, no matter the age, we are all equals, with something special and unique to offer.

Divorce and Distance

This week in class, we talked about divorce. It is interesting to think about how people often separate physically and create a significant amount of distance between themselves during and after divorce.

We discussed why people separate physically when in difficult relationships. Maybe it is a way people try to lessen the pain. The truth is, however, no matter how far physically you may get, the conflict follows you wherever you go. It is inside you and needs to be healed from the inside.  

My professor told us that the average distance for fathers to move from their families after divorce is 400 miles. He then asked us why. Because of the monetary costs of divorce, fathers often have to come up with more money and one of the big reasons for moving is to get jobs.

Maybe being a mom isn't so bad.

This week we are learning and discussing the what's, why's and how's of parenting. I figure becoming a parent is a good thing.

I once worked at a T.G.I. Friday's as a hostess. When I worked in the morning, I would turn on the OPEN sign in the window and stand behind my little booth, staring at the empty tables. I listened to the music playing quietly, folding bundles of silverware and waiting for people to come in and eat. I remember that gradually, as people started to fill the empty tables, the restaurant was filled with warmth.

I figured that generally, people are warm. Maybe it's not so much different in a family. More people, more warmth, more love.

It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child. I think of how much I am learning right now, as a 21-year old reaching out for my independence. I am working towards goals, endeavors, using my gifts, and I realize that my learning comes from so many different resources. I am a child being raised by them all! 

I believe that our creator organized human society into families in order to help us develop our ability and capacity to love. In an ideal world, we would love everyone, but we are designed to just start with our families.

I honestly don't blame people who don't want to create families, because we have been born into a society that over time, has shifted its mindset and become distracted from the essence of what families are and what they can be.

I just don't think most people can see past the surface of raising children. When you think of having children and raising a family, what do you think of? Changing diapers, calming a crying baby? The truth is, they are only that small for a short time. You are actually just helping to create a person, a friend. Just like your best friend here and now. You are bringing a soul into your presence to grow in love and to teach and to learn from and experience the things of this world with.

At home, at work, at play.

We read an article or two about women in the home and at work.

I just say, everyone do what leads your soul to goodness!

There are no absolutes!! You just need to be true to yourself, figure out what you want and find out what you need in this life experience.

I wish people would stop asking, Are you in school? Are you working? ... I would rather them ask me what my goals are and what I am doing to achieve them.

There are so many opinions floating around, and I am learning that no matter what topic is out there in the universe, someone has an opinion about it. And people will never stop telling you what they think, what is right, what is wrong. Find out for yourself. Create some space for yourself to understand and resonate with certain truths and how to apply them.

Seek goodness and you will find.

Talk Openly and Honestly

Honest, open communication is necessary for a healthy relationship.

Brother Williams told us a story about him and his wife. Over a month period or so, they had three experiences where she rolled her eyes after he said something. This really hurt him. He communicated this to her and she told him that when she rolls her eyes like that, she is trying not to cry. It didn't have anything to do with offending her husband. He assumed what was meant by the rolling of her eyes.

We must not make assumptions.

There are some real dangers in assuming the intentions of another based on certain behaviors. The best way to clear up misunderstanding is to ask questions and seek answers.

Identify

In class on Wednesday, Brother Williams made a great point.

People often make mistakes when trying to understand, "Who I am".

He said that he never says, "She is gay," or "He is gay." You may hear him say however, "She identifies herself as gay."

When I am feeling angry, I should say, "I am feeling angry," not, "I am angry." Because, I am not my feelings, nor am I my thoughts. My true self is Light. My true self is not my mistakes, nor am I my temptations.